I'm Not Perfect, Just Passionate

One of my earliest memories is of learning about the lifecycle of animals and the beauty there in. At my daycare there was a robins nest in a small tree in the playground, my braver friend was the first to find it while climbing and convinced my very height phobic self to join them in the tree, only because of the promise of catching sight of real robins eggs. Well after having to rescue my very scared self from about 3-4 ft off the ground, our teachers and counselors cordoned it off to keep it undisturbed.

But every day I planted myself by the edge of that caution tape and watched and listened. Until one day, I heard peeping coming from the nest! I found my favorite counselor (a zoology major on a work study program who answered my never-ending animal questions) and told him breathlessly that I could hear the babies. He smiled and said "when they call everyone in, come find me and we'll take a quick peek, just don't tell the other kids"

And so, I waited, rather impatiently, for recess to end, and when it did, I ran as fast as my little 4 1/2-year-old legs could manage straight to where the counselors and teacher were gathered doing head counts as we reentered the building. I waited wiggling in place until the last of my peers had entered and then the two counselors and my favorite teacher closed the door and led me by the hand to my beloved nest.

First the Zoology major peeked in to make sure the mother wasn't there to be spooked, as he was the tallest. He then dragged a step ladder from the shed to the tree and carefully helped me ascend. With my breath held I peered in, looking back at me was 3 tiny and very loud babies. Whereas most little girls I knew may have been repulsed by their thin skin, large swollen bellies, and bulbous closed eyes, all I saw was a miracle.

From the tiny eggs I had risked "heights" to see, came these little living, breathing, eating, thinking creatures. That would someday grow to have their own eggs and offspring in the never-ending cycle of life. Granted, the thought was decidedly less eloquent at the time, and more along the lines of "Life just never stops...weird" But the power of the universe, God, nature, whatever you call it, I felt it full force in that moment. In my little soul I knew every creature was connected, by that spark that makes one take their first breath, climb trees they have no idea how to get out of and strive for more.

Since that day I have felt a calling towards animals and their care. Unfortunately, I was not able to realize my lifelong dream of attending veterinary school and am now no longer physically capable of the strength it would take to be an effective veterinary technician when it comes to large animals.

To top it off I married a man and mothered a wonderful child, both of whom are deathly allergic to cats and dogs. So, for years I spent time taking in small pets they weren't allergic to; to try to find something that could replace the companionship and bond I had had with cats and to a lesser extent dogs.

And then one day, about 6 years ago, I came upon a YouTube channel featuring rats being trained to do complex tricks! Now the tricks may have been what grabbed my attention, but the clear body language and obvious forethought the rats put into each action had me glued to my screen.

I HAD to learn more! So, I went down a rabbit hole for a week straight on these amazing creatures and their care, spent about $300 on a setup, and then proceeded to get two rats from a feeder bin as I had only researched care and not proper acquisition. This unfortunately ended up breaking my heart...

My first boys were Diogenes (a brown hooded boy) and Satan (a Himalayan with pink eyes) I was expecting some new home sniffles so didn't think anything of Diogenes sneezing for the first few days, but on the fourth day as I went to greet my boys with their morning snacks, Diogenes was unable to stand.

I rushed him to the only vet I could get to on foot as my husband was at least 45 minutes away at best, but there was nothing that could have been done. I had to make the hard discission to end his suffering.

It was a horrible experience and unfortunately the choice of veterinarian only made it worse as I was forced to take my rats body, now back in his transport container, to the waiting room to try and stifle my sobbing while I waited to calm down make the payment, they were very instant about.

After I had calmed down 24 hours later, I set to the task of getting my Satan boy not one but two new friends Moxie (a grey capped boy) and Moose (a dumbo brown variegated boy) I got them both from a breeder this time, but yet again should have done more research. They were delivered to me in a parking lot in a cardboard box Covered in feces. So, I had to do something I would never advise in any other situation, when I got home, I had to give them a bath with baby soap.

This was my first time realizing just because a breeder has a good variety of colors and types, doesn't mean they care for they animals themselves. Never meet a breeder that won't show you their setup or answer your questions directly, let's leave it at that.

They lived happily with me for two years and 3 months, then my heart was broken once again. Moxie and Moose developed inoperable tumors internally. At first, they were just slightly lumpy boys, but over time it became apparent I had yet another hard choice to make. Moxie was the one who developed mobility and quality of life issues first and I held him softly and cried as he crossed the rainbow bridge. His brother Satan was still healthy as an ox as far as anyone could tell and Moose was still eating, drinking, and getting around okay. But the next weekend I woke up to find that Moose had passed in the night, and that Satan was curled up beside him not far from the same inevitability despite showing no signs of illness previously.

I didn't have the heart to separate them in Satan's final moments so I stepped away and cried and went back to sleep for while after no more tears would come. When I woke up, my husband had already moved their bodies to a small box with their favorite hammock under them. We buried them by Moxie, and I swore my heart would never recover and that I would never have rats again. But I think we all know how that went.

So fast forward two years and yet again I find myself watching a video of a rat doing tricks, and instead of the pain I usually felt pierce my heart anytime I saw a rat video I felt a deep longing to again have the companions I so desperately missed, to discover new personalities and form new bonds.

So, I off to Petco I went to get basic supplies for the critter nation I had never gotten rid of. Now here is where my bleeding heart gets me in trouble... While I'm there, cart full of care items for rats, I happen to see there are exactly two female rats in a very small glass enclosure in the small pet's section. I swore up and down I would just peek in to check they were okay and then stick to my plan to find a breeder. But as I was turning to harden my heart and get my items, I hear an employee say "Did you want those two as pets?!?! Oh please tell me you're getting them as pets it breaks my heart selling them as feeders!" and that's how I got the first two rats I'd had since my boys passed. I just couldn't leave them to die.

They were scared at first and very shy, I could tell they had never known kindness from human hands, and it broke my hearts. However, after about 6 months with them and lots of bonding they became not just my girls but my, self-proclaimed animal indifferent husbands, best friends.

About this time, I realized not only are they intelligent, and compassionate caring animals, they actually keep me motivated to get out of bed on my worst days. So, I decided I would never again live without rats, the heartbreak of their passing was definitely worth the years of their love.

So, I began researching breeders so I could find one I could use regularly as my rats passed to make sure the mischief was always full, and everyone had a friend. Now I don't want to disclose anyone's personal business, but I will say, the breeders I found local to me definitely didn't inspire confidence in their care and living conditions for the rats they were breeding. So as usual I began doing research this time on breeding my own rats.

At the time I had two girls, but after researching and purchasing a few necessary items, I moved on to finding some Does and Bucks that I found to have amazing temperaments. That being said some people insist you must start from a line you know every single thing about.

For my part I knew the line was reasonably healthy at least when it came to respiratory sensitivities and tumors, and that with careful breeding decisions I could easily improve on any problems. I got them from a dual-purpose breeder whom I will not name here as I know many do not agree with breeding as both pets and feeders, but though I never would sell mine as feeders, I'm not here to stand in judgment of those that do.

I truly believe that with the right care and selective breeding any line can become strong, healthy, docile, companions. So, I paired my first buck Okily Dokily, with my first breeding Doe Spots, and three weeks later 9 healthy happy beans greeted the world.

But not all breeding attempts are successful...One Doe (Snowy) had become absolutely terrified and screamed anytime Okily so much as sniffed her, so she was removed within 5 minutes. And another Doe (Siren) though accepting of Okily and paired well had a traumatic birth I unfortunately slept through and retained a pup which I did not discover until 48 hours later when she went from her normal self to wobbly and bleeding from her backside.

Yet again I was faced with a hard decision and this time due to nerve based back pain, I couldn't physically be there. Luckily my Husband was Sirens favorite human, and the emergency vet was kind enough to allow him to take her outside to see the sky and smell the air as she passed.

But even with the hardships this is the most rewarding thing I've with my life since becoming a mother. I learn something new every day and get to bond with amazing creatures capable of both love and crafty snack heists. What's not to become obsessed over?

I didn't get into this to get rich; I didn't get into this because I just like pretty colored animals, and I didn't get into this to play God. I got into this because the more I learn about these intrepid little souls the more I want to spread word and educate people on what amazing pets they are.

My goal in breeding is to breed the healthiest naturally kindest babies and further the species as best a girl with a GED and can-do attitude can. I live for the moments I pass off these babies I know have known nothing but kindness and care from humans to their new parent. The light in the people's eyes when that baby comes to them like they're just another friend they haven't yet peed on, without anything but optimistic caution, nothing matches that.

So that is how I ended up here! Waiste deep in bedding and half chewed hammocks and unbelievably fulfilled. I may not have realized my original dream of becoming a veterinarian, but every day I get to wake up and spend my time doing something I'm passionate about with creatures that truly appreciate and deserve it.

This Blog is a way to show my ups my downs my triumphs and my mistakes. I am open to all well intended constructive criticism. As long as we can maintain a mutual respect for each other as fellow humans, I am always happy to be challenged